Sunday, June 22, 2008

The CP(F) solves the food crisis with millet and mullet

For five or so months, protests, strikes, riots, and rebellions have rocked the planet over the increasing costs of fuel and food, a menial crisis for some but catastrophic for billions of people living in a poverty created by capitalist imperialism. Wheat, corn, rice, plantain, banana, tomato, yuca, milk, eggs, you name it and the staples of people who are just barely surviving under regimes of neo-colonialism and corporate globalization are finding themselves at the breaking point. This is not over-population, as Western racists would have us believe to evade us from issues of underdevelopment and exploitation.

To address this, and issue a clear command to all of our members, the CP(F) PolitBoro has decided to call on a cuisine strike, to last for at least a month. From henceforth, our comrades will be sticking to the sub-basics, the most plebeian options available on the market. Our primary source of grain will be millet, for use as a hot cereal, flour, bread, beer source, and for all other such uses. For meat eaters, we will be restricted to mullet, and the occasional roadkill rabbit or deer. Sugars will come from artificial sweeteners to be poached from capitalist restaurants, and salts may be grated out of salt water lakes and seas.

We feel that, in the great tradition of Gandhi and non-violent resisters, we can show our solidarity with rioters around the world through this form of anti-elitist fasting, cleansing ourselves of the bourgeois decadence that helps instill our need to defend petit bourgeois class interests. All comrades found sauteeing quinoa, enjoying non-soured wines or cooking with too many aromatic spices in their dishes will be sentenced to self-criticism essays to be published in the Party's self-criticism quarterly and at a length of our choosing. End communication.

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