Sunday, September 11, 2011

Libya and the dilemma of the Lesser of Two Wonderfuls

And we're back. We apologize for the absence, but we've had quite our work cut out for us, purging every last member who had turned down the wishy-washy road of progressivism, as Lawrence O'Donnell might castigate them for doing. (Who himself is a "European-style socialist" and therefore weak as fuck, too.) The progressives have been too busy twisting Gramsci, and foisting Alinkyism and the liberal versions of identity politics over the Left, so our purge was near complete. With such a reduced cadre, it is a wonder we have anyone left to level political injunctions upon our followers.

Because of a recent request by one of our fearless and inveterate General Secretary-Chairman's younglings, a late convocation of leading party commissars have been summoned to pontificate upon the Party's doctrinal position over NAO's aggression against Qattafi, now in it's sixth month. The padawan is correct that this is a question we should have long ago expressed interest in, as are those regarding the Arab Spring, which itself began in Carthaginian Winter and is wading into a Bedouin Autumn.

Unfortunately, our meeting was devoured by discord. Each side had authoritative evidence to push its agenda. The Tankies Division of our Central Committee entered prepared with issues of the Final Call and the Workers World which presented irrefutable evidence that Ghadafi's collaboration with European powers and training of genocidal paramilitaries in Western Africa are irrelevant in defining Colonel Khatafy as a lifelong champion of socialist jamarahiya and green revolution (we hear his Ukrainian nurses' vibrators are biodiesel-fueled).

On the other hand, the Party's commissars aligned with the Liberal Imperialism Faction fruitfully expressed that when former empires led by conservative parties bomb civilian targets from jets to take out a leader that counters their hegemony in Africa and prove they still have some mojo, it is all outweighed by the fact that this time the United States is run by a Democrat with a father from Africa. The Liberal Imperialist Faction came complete with a scientific chart animating a seesaw where Sarkozy, Cameron and Berlusconi's sabre-rattling were easily outweighed by President Obama's not-being-George-Bush.

As it was clear that the Party had to take sides with either a murderous Cold War relic made up of former colonial powers manifested in NAO who just weeks before had been imploring other regional tyrants like Ben Ali, Saleh and Mubarak to remain in power, or a murderous Third Worldist relic of a tyrant who speechified about wholesale slaughtering his populace so that his sons could continue racing sports cars through European cities and he could continue selling out Palestinian refugees, we deliberated on the matter for quite some time. Because, y'know, you just can't rationally oppose both sides while supporting the Libyan people's own self-determination. No, you mustn't think of doing that.

In the end, we decided to order some white pizzas and a side of crazy bread, and reconvene via conference call.

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Comedy Central's Liberalism isn't Destroying America

The CentCom (Central Committee) has decided to take action against the ComCent (Comedy Central). Once again, Americans have found some would-be prophets who speak loudly and say nothing, offering a divisive solution that could undermine the divisive solutions offered by our own jealous and indignant General Secretary-Chairman.

Monsieurs Stewart and Colbert (who we understand to be French-American, according to a trustworthy source) have made much ado about the convoluted tar pit that United States political discourse has found itself in. These two progressives have about as much analysis as progressivism allows. Y'know, none. And summoning up all their patriotic frustrations with a poltical system that has nearly ground to a halt, and a bourgeois (our term, not theirs) media that promotes Jerry Springer back-room-brawls over substance, they have organized a rally.

The Rally to Restore Sanity and the March to Keep Fear Alive are dual stunts that they hope will convey a potential electorate's fatigue with stalemates and partisanship-for-partisanship's-sake, and provoke a shift away from polarization and towards progress.

Except, don't use that word. Progress. That's too close to progressive, which is too close to liberal, and those are ideological terms. Stewart and Colbert (sounds like a plate of crackers and cheese) have cautiously guided the reins and squeezed the stirrups to stay away from anything that would appear remotely ideological, be it moderate and liberal or anything near the socialism that both adamantly reject.

Now, if we were to imagine an America where conservatives have controlled the framing of the country's political discourse for, say, about three decades, with the exception being a liberal PC police that don't allow racists to say what they mean, we would think ComCent's Stewart was playing right into conservative hands. Without suggesting an ideology or taking on any substantive analysis that could lead to any promising visions or solutions, it would seem Stewart was allowing conservatives to turn words like progressive and liberal into the very dirty words that dare not speak their names.

Stewart's rally is a response to Glenn Beck's co-optation of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior for his crusade towards a white supremacist, pro-capitalist putsch. But the difference is clear: Beck proclaimed himself a conservative. He enunciated a series of ideals, plotted a frothingly crazy schema of the Left and its alleged conspiracies against him and you and your unborn child's unborn child, offered a list of core principles, and told viewers the way out of the tunnel before it fills with sewage and the American people drown.

The champions of civil discourse, on the other hand, took on the task of reformulating the political discourse while jumping into the shadows every time responsibility might be laid upon them to actually lead or say what they mean. While demanding the audience move away from apathy, and the media and politicians move toward the issues rather than the marketing of conflict, Stewart shirked any duty to fill the void with substance. And how did he do this? By being one of the foremost media and political critics of the past decade but hiding in the title of "comedian". He said he would lead, and when he was asked toward what, he denied he was a leader.

This is all a fancy way of saying that Stewart, while funny as he lambasts the hypocrisy of others, is a hypocritical tool himself. Colbert, while playing into Stewart's spineless attempt to decry spinelessness, at least promises a level of parody we can relate to. Stay in character, play up what you don't believe, and no one will ever be able to question you as seriously as they do Stewart. So, if you make it out to the March to Keep Fear Alive, beware the Red Menace, because we've chosen sides.

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Tuesday, June 01, 2010

We bad-jacket Anarchist news dot org

As many well know, the Communist Party (Factionalist) operates a number of anarcho-maoist and trotskyist affinity groups. Generally speaking, their modus operandi is inactivity and observation. Most of the techniques that they would employ are already carried out by our anarchist brethren: badjacketing, internecine violence, paranoia, anti-intellectualism, provocation... and the list goes on. We the factionalists don't need to engage in these amongst the anarchists because they have become expert at it all. Up the Autonomy, er, Factionalism!

Nevertheless, we aren't completely clear when first appeared on the scene (*which anarchists generally operate within, rather than, y'know, movements). The site has posts dating back to 2005, but became most clearly evident only last year, staging what amounted to a Jerry Springer Show for anarchist(er-than-thou) communiques and tracts, complete with chair throwing commentary and overblown melodrama. It beat out the United States competitors like A-Infos, Infoshop, and Indymedia. Granted, Infoshop contributed greatly to its own demise as the North American anarchist web news of choice, but the ascent of this latecomer has been impressive.

And it is a theatrically bad website. It has been the main source of any number of the most putrid and sniping communiques that anarchists have written against each other, from the APOC attacks on Food Not Bombs and CrimethInc, to the Bash Back diatribes, to the recent Crazy Bitches reports. For those with little or no personal commitment to these scenes, offers nothing but the most humorous depiction of the state of their ideology in this country. Truly enjoyable reading. All from a laughably self-identified "non-sectarian" conduit.

It's value to the 'movement' then, can be expressed in that it has done nothing but help exacerbate animosities, break up groups, given exposure to the most sordid fringe voices, squelch real debate, and generally help implode most of what existed of organized anarchism only a few years ago.

That is why, with pure conjecture and nothing remotely resembling evidence, we would like to break the biggest news in the scene. was produced by anti-politics capitalist hipsters in the employ of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Brandon Darby, Steve Wilkos, and the International Association of Campus Law Enforcement Administrators. If is indeed not a product of infiltration and COINTELPRO activities, then anarchists are an even bigger joke than we already thought.

To learn more about the accusations and more, check out the new non-partisan news source Now to return to our principal day's work, leaving violent sectarian ridicule in the comments section of our favorite anarchist websites.


This entry was recently posted to, and clearly their readership is subject to less rigorous censorship than ours- the only explanation for the larger number of comments over there.

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Monday, May 17, 2010

Our Tea Party Comes Late: A Belated Response to the Responders

A little over a year ago, many sectors of the far right here in the United States did what the Left generally fails to do, to coalesce. They coalesced around a movement, Tea Party or Teabagging depending on who you are, that came together against a common enemy, common hysteria, and with common slogans. As time went on, it became clearer that this grassroots was nothing but astroturf, that there was corporate backing and power structure support fundamental to this movement that had never existed for most moments of the truly grassroots Left. It was propped up by climate change lobbyist Koch Industries, the bourgeois mainstream media's FOX News, Congressional Republicans, and took as icons major politicians.

But despite this, the Tea Party was still galvanizing many citizens across the country, and bringing together rightist elements that had been at odds during the Bush administration. Christian extremists, the neo-conservatives of groups like the Protest Warriors, and the anti-immigrant racists Minutemen were not to be found in a room together, all the less for any length of time. But in President Obama, they found an antithesis, a liberal who they exaggerated as a Communist or Socialist, a Black man who frightened their sense of white nationality, a man rolling back Christian extremist and neo-conservative policies, and a worldly, half-first generation man who might understand the plight of immigrant workers. Obama, who has kept troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, cow-towed to Israel and Hamid Karzai, assassinated people in other countries, and worked hard to maintain capitalism.

The analogy is clear: Franklin Delano Roosevelt carried out (much vaster) sweeping changes that introduced tempered levels of social democracy in defense of capitalism from the growing communist and syndicalist movements during the Great Depression, and who likewise carried out assassinations in Central America and ordered the national guard on striking workers, was attacked by elements of the right. The conflict then was in part over the means to protect private property from social war. The conflict today is as much that as racism.

Perhaps the big tent of the Tea Party will someday soon collapse of its own weight into our beloved factionalism, or the Republicans will gain power and this will signal the death knell for the unity of the reactionaries. But this is not the purview of the CP(F). We deign to critique the poor fellows of the right, as our concentration is on the Left. Preferably the socialist left, but today we will include our scurrilous opponents known as Liberals (fore make no mistake about it, a Progressive is nothing but a Liberal in Left clothing).

The Response

The Left and the Liberals saw the rising, militant, and street marching Tea Party with impotent inertia. Antifas know that fascists must be stomped out as soon as they bud to prevent their growth, but both Leftists and Liberals ignored the reactionary clamor until it blossomed into a great bed of weeds. Only in the first few months of this year did much of them capitulate to the Tea Party themes and attempt a retort.

Take, for example, the abysmally unpleasant Coffee Party. Initially, liberals in the bourgeois news media attempted to give it undue publicity, bypassing the long existing left and Bush Era-created liberal movements who had already, if meekly, attempted to shout down Teabaggers. This credit was warrantless. The Coffee Party has proven itself not to be news at all. But let's get to it's most startling of contradictions. The Coffee Party refused to align itself with liberalism, declaring itself sans labels. Oh, how post-politics. So, while the Teabaggers loudly and constantly hoist the banner of conservativism, the Coffeefilters have let the Teabaggers turn its opposite, liberalism, into a dirty word. In other words, the Coffee Party began its counter assault by waving a genuine white flag. This all, at the meantime, while it named itself the Coffee Party, substituting the word Tea with its main beverage competitor. The Coffeefilters, lacking substance, passion, testicles, or ovaries, had C-Span cover their early events only to reveal a continued impotence and lack of direction that led potential followers into confusion. Revolting.

With their time past (or so we hope), various other liberal and Leftist responses have continued to spring up, like blighted tomatoes whose existence will come to naught. A project of the International Association of Machinists, one of many unions whose memberships have declined with North American deindustrialization and automation, calls itself the Union of the Unemployed. Okay, this is a long needed and very basic concept that socialists and unionists have long since known was the right way to go, from those organized by communists in the 1930s to those in Iraq today. Unfortunately, IAM's unemployed union operates as a social networking site rather than anything resembling a union. And true to the game, their project was created by some lame business professionals to appear as sterile and corporate as possible, under the concept UCube (not to be mixed up with Youtube, or is it?). Ergo, they may as well have just created a facebook group.

And where are we today: The Coffee Party - The Cocktail Party - The Molotov Cocktail Party - The Juice Party - The Unemployed Union - The Real Boston Tea Party

Feel free to send us any more of these embarrassments that we might have missed. And pick us up some scones on your way home from work. We have a Tea Party to attend.

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Monday, March 15, 2010

Top Secret Directive Amendment to Operative 745

Base to Operative:

Your mission has been compromised STOP The Central Committee has worked hard to keep your cover STOP but media giant Glenn Beck is on to us STOP We have denied that you have socialist politics STOP and we know that you have shown great resolve in maintaining your cover with plenty of conservative policies STOP There is little more that we can do STOP He has a state-of-the-art tool of counterintelligence STOP A Chalkboard EXCLAMATORY STOP

They have discovered everything STOP They know your reforms are just incremental steps to our totalitarian plans STOP They know you are appointing your comrade operatives STOP They know you weren't born in their country STOP They know you are a practicing Moslem STOP They know you sleep with a teddy bear named Vladdy Lenin STOP They know that Jed Brandt is your spokesperson to the Committees of Public Safety STOP They know everything STOP Burn and delete all documents STOP Execute any FBI or other Secret Police agents suspected of treachery, and have the rest delete all traces you have to the party and the Seventh Communist International STOP These are direct orders STOP

Your General-Secretary Chairman

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Tuesday, March 02, 2010

We Put Glenn Beck On Notice

Our Bourgeois Media Consumption Bureau (BoroMediConsoBoro) requires a heavy operating budget largely for eye doctors and frequent psychiatric evaluations. You would think a gaggle of unpaid interns would not burden the Party, but as communists we support social health care and practice what we preach. So our unpaid labor force is given rudimentary inspections to prevent depression, dementia, and cataracts. But the BoroMediConsoBoro has clear utility, as exhibited by their capture yesterday of a Mr. Glenn Beck's schwulst about a dear bald comrade.

Now aside from the fact that Mr. Beck references the Brecht Forum as if it were a strip club or porn shop that he didn't want to admit he previously knew anything about and "actually had to look [it] up," Mr. Beck uses great quotes of Mr. Brandt to somehow connect progressivism to communism. We are communists. We are not progressives. Okay, perhaps the Communist Party USA are a bunch of phonies who are not communists but are actually just progressives, but the occasional 'friendship' between the two are not a sign of ideological or political cohesion.

Mr. Beck, on the other hand, is a comedian-turned-pathological-blowhard who has a blustering voice in a central organ of the MainStream Media and spends all day claiming he in otherwise. And then pushes his audience toward fascist activity while claiming fascism is on the right. Worst of all, he whips it out! Mr. Beck, for the love of the General Secretary-Chairman, shove it back down into your pants!

No, Mr. Beck has picked on a member of our party, and we will not sit back. We're getting out our big board of enemies. Hmmm, to put up Glenn Beck we'll have to take something else off. Okay, we'll take down Nick Meglin, and put up Mr. Beck. That's right, we have half a mind to go all V for Vendetta on your ass! You're on notice!

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Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Literally pointless

As a Public Service announcement, the CP(F) presents to you the full, unedited, periodless text of the recent soundbite of Revolutionary Communist Party Chairman Bob Avakian:

This new synthesis involves a recasting and recombining of the positive aspects of the experience so far of the communist movement and of socialist society, while learning from the negative aspects of this experience, in the philosophical and ideological as well as the political dimensions, so as to have a more deeply and firmly rooted scientific orientation, method and approach with regard not only to making revolution and seizing power but then, yes, to meeting the material requirements of society and the needs of the masses of people, in an increasingly expanding way, in socialist society—overcoming the deep scars of the past and continuing the revolutionary transformation of society, while at the same time actively supporting the world revolutionary struggle and acting on the recognition that the world arena and the world struggle are most fundamental and important, in an overall sense—together with opening up qualitatively more space to give expression to the intellectual and cultural needs of the people, broadly understood, and enabling a more diverse and rich process of exploration and experimentation in the realms of science, art and culture, and intellectual life overall, with increasing scope for the contention of different ideas and schools of thought and for individual initiative and creativity and protection of individual rights, including space for individuals to interact in "civil society" independently of the state—all within an overall cooperative and collective framework and at the same time as state power is maintained and further developed as a revolutionary state power serving the interests of the proletarian revolution, in the particular country and worldwide, with this state being the leading and central element in the economy and in the overall direction of society, while the state itself is being continually transformed into something radically different from all previous states, as a crucial part of the advance toward the eventual abolition of the state with the achievement of communism on a world scale.

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