Comedy Central's Liberalism isn't Destroying America

The CentCom (Central Committee) has decided to take action against the ComCent (Comedy Central). Once again, Americans have found some would-be prophets who speak loudly and say nothing, offering a divisive solution that could undermine the divisive solutions offered by our own jealous and indignant General Secretary-Chairman.

Monsieurs Stewart and Colbert (who we understand to be French-American, according to a trustworthy source) have made much ado about the convoluted tar pit that United States political discourse has found itself in. These two progressives have about as much analysis as progressivism allows. Y'know, none. And summoning up all their patriotic frustrations with a poltical system that has nearly ground to a halt, and a bourgeois (our term, not theirs) media that promotes Jerry Springer back-room-brawls over substance, they have organized a rally.

The Rally to Restore Sanity and the March to Keep Fear Alive are dual stunts that they hope will convey a potential electorate's fatigue with stalemates and partisanship-for-partisanship's-sake, and provoke a shift away from polarization and towards progress.

Except, don't use that word. Progress. That's too close to progressive, which is too close to liberal, and those are ideological terms. Stewart and Colbert (sounds like a plate of crackers and cheese) have cautiously guided the reins and squeezed the stirrups to stay away from anything that would appear remotely ideological, be it moderate and liberal or anything near the socialism that both adamantly reject.

Now, if we were to imagine an America where conservatives have controlled the framing of the country's political discourse for, say, about three decades, with the exception being a liberal PC police that don't allow racists to say what they mean, we would think ComCent's Stewart was playing right into conservative hands. Without suggesting an ideology or taking on any substantive analysis that could lead to any promising visions or solutions, it would seem Stewart was allowing conservatives to turn words like progressive and liberal into the very dirty words that dare not speak their names.

Stewart's rally is a response to Glenn Beck's co-optation of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior for his crusade towards a white supremacist, pro-capitalist putsch. But the difference is clear: Beck proclaimed himself a conservative. He enunciated a series of ideals, plotted a frothingly crazy schema of the Left and its alleged conspiracies against him and you and your unborn child's unborn child, offered a list of core principles, and told viewers the way out of the tunnel before it fills with sewage and the American people drown.

The champions of civil discourse, on the other hand, took on the task of reformulating the political discourse while jumping into the shadows every time responsibility might be laid upon them to actually lead or say what they mean. While demanding the audience move away from apathy, and the media and politicians move toward the issues rather than the marketing of conflict, Stewart shirked any duty to fill the void with substance. And how did he do this? By being one of the foremost media and political critics of the past decade but hiding in the title of "comedian". He said he would lead, and when he was asked toward what, he denied he was a leader.

This is all a fancy way of saying that Stewart, while funny as he lambasts the hypocrisy of others, is a hypocritical tool himself. Colbert, while playing into Stewart's spineless attempt to decry spinelessness, at least promises a level of parody we can relate to. Stay in character, play up what you don't believe, and no one will ever be able to question you as seriously as they do Stewart. So, if you make it out to the March to Keep Fear Alive, beware the Red Menace, because we've chosen sides.