Monday, March 15, 2010

Top Secret Directive Amendment to Operative 745



















Base to Operative:

Your mission has been compromised STOP The Central Committee has worked hard to keep your cover STOP but media giant Glenn Beck is on to us STOP We have denied that you have socialist politics STOP and we know that you have shown great resolve in maintaining your cover with plenty of conservative policies STOP There is little more that we can do STOP He has a state-of-the-art tool of counterintelligence STOP A Chalkboard EXCLAMATORY STOP

They have discovered everything STOP They know your reforms are just incremental steps to our totalitarian plans STOP They know you are appointing your comrade operatives STOP They know you weren't born in their country STOP They know you are a practicing Moslem STOP They know you sleep with a teddy bear named Vladdy Lenin STOP They know that Jed Brandt is your spokesperson to the Committees of Public Safety STOP They know everything STOP Burn and delete all documents STOP Execute any FBI or other Secret Police agents suspected of treachery, and have the rest delete all traces you have to the party and the Seventh Communist International STOP These are direct orders STOP

Your General-Secretary Chairman

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Tuesday, March 02, 2010

We Put Glenn Beck On Notice

Our Bourgeois Media Consumption Bureau (BoroMediConsoBoro) requires a heavy operating budget largely for eye doctors and frequent psychiatric evaluations. You would think a gaggle of unpaid interns would not burden the Party, but as communists we support social health care and practice what we preach. So our unpaid labor force is given rudimentary inspections to prevent depression, dementia, and cataracts. But the BoroMediConsoBoro has clear utility, as exhibited by their capture yesterday of a Mr. Glenn Beck's schwulst about a dear bald comrade.



Now aside from the fact that Mr. Beck references the Brecht Forum as if it were a strip club or porn shop that he didn't want to admit he previously knew anything about and "actually had to look [it] up," Mr. Beck uses great quotes of Mr. Brandt to somehow connect progressivism to communism. We are communists. We are not progressives. Okay, perhaps the Communist Party USA are a bunch of phonies who are not communists but are actually just progressives, but the occasional 'friendship' between the two are not a sign of ideological or political cohesion.

Mr. Beck, on the other hand, is a comedian-turned-pathological-blowhard who has a blustering voice in a central organ of the MainStream Media and spends all day claiming he in otherwise. And then pushes his audience toward fascist activity while claiming fascism is on the right. Worst of all, he whips it out! Mr. Beck, for the love of the General Secretary-Chairman, shove it back down into your pants!

No, Mr. Beck has picked on a member of our party, and we will not sit back. We're getting out our big board of enemies. Hmmm, to put up Glenn Beck we'll have to take something else off. Okay, we'll take down Nick Meglin, and put up Mr. Beck. That's right, we have half a mind to go all V for Vendetta on your ass! You're on notice!

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