Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The New York Philharmonic in the People's Democratic Republic of Korea


As the People's Democratic Republic of Korea is our most shining example of the luminous path of non-Marxist Stalinism, we are always quick to take note at the all-bearing glory of the finest exemplar of democracy that our world has to offer.

This is why our Central-East Asian Department of the Foreign Relations Bureau is aghast at the news that the New York Philharmonic has been permitted into the world's finest hermit democratic republic to dispense with a western decadence that can only mean detriment to the great Juchean society that the Big Kim and Lil Kim strove so hard to achieve.

On the bright side, it is an exciting testament to the beauty of the PDRK that we believe some of the North Americans' oboe section has escaped their handlers to live out exile in Juche and prosperity. The tremendous liberty of Koreans is revealed by the lack of refugees or exiles or immigrants to come out in the past sixty years.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Vote Capitalism '08

The CP(F) is deeply divided by the news of the Ralph Nader presidential candidacy. Several hundred of our comrades, led by some indignant sector chiefs, have bandied his way, splitting from their comrades who already pushed for the support of whomever the Greens nominate. All of these comrades have been duly censured for their actions having strayed from the two dominant party tendencies, those who either call for permanent election boycotts, and those who plan to write-in "General Secretary-Chairman of the Communist Party (Factionalist)" after our own GSC was unceremoniously stripped of his right to a candidacy for refusing to bare his legal nomenclature. Also censured are those micro-sects endorsing rival Leninist parties' candidates and the Socialist Party.

And to our comrades and fellow travelers in Ohio, Texas and Pennsylvania, we are continuing our Primary tactic of writing in 'Capitalism.' Please text cell phone pictures of your ballots to 53646 as evidence of your adhesion to the party line.

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Great Miraculous Bourgois Ghost, Kosovo Breaks With Serbia

Despite our Politboro's sometime fascination with completely un-Marxist deformed proletarian state capitalist dictatorships (from Stalin to Mao, from Noriega to Milosevic), we are great supporters of Factionalism first. That is why we congratulate the strong brothers and sisters of Kosovo in voting for the world's new youngest nation! (Beating current n00b East Timor).

We also must give thanks to the Serbian nationalists for trashing Western embassies. Your intentions may have been anti-factionalist and racist, but your deeds were a black light shining in the compact fluorescent whiteness that is Western imperialist influence.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What's Your Favorite Split in Marxist History?

  1. Karl Marx and Mikhail Bakunin split in the First International.
  2. Lenin splits with most of the social democrats in Europe.
  3. Trotsky is all but exiled from the Soviet Union by Stalin and co. ('and co.' is later killed off in the 1930s purges).
  4. The Sino-Soviet split of the early 1960s.
  5. The General Secretary-Chairman splits from the world's Leninist movements to create the CP(F).

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

CP(F) blog back on-line after techno-bureaucratic putsch

The Politboro of the Communist Party (Factionalist) apologizes deeply for the website hiatus, placing all blame on the techno-bureaucratic Stalinoid opportunist putsch a year and a half ago that required a purge and fierce internal party debate over the use of digital recruitment. It is our feeling, of course, that the internet is a reactionary tool of the outsourcers and off-layers to further reduce the workforce. Nevertheless, like Nazis who use rock music, Christian fundamentalists who rap, or business unions who engage in Maoist sloganeering, we feel that we must use means not necessarily within our principles to take on our ends.

As for the recent elections, we believe the anarchist response to boycott is conservative and silent. That is why the CP(F) formally adopts a campaign of widespread voter fraud and polling place sabotage. Elimintate the paper tiger elections! Quash the comprador campaigns!

We also ask for you to disregard those renegade sects of our party which respectively call for endorsing the reactionaries Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Hussein Obama, and Enver Hoxha. These sects will be cruelly ostracized from party fiestas and pot-lucks.

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